** GOJOTV's Advice For Life **

Second, register on reputable "No-Call" Lists. Yes, they exist, and you can find them on the Internet. They vary by country, but in Canada, the big one is run by the "Canadian Direct Marketing Association" or "CDMA". This is an association of reputable retailers who use telemarketing but who combat telemarketing abuse. They are a cool organization, and their site is well worth visiting.

"I've done all that, but I'm already on so many lists, I can't get any peace." Ah, this is where the magic of GOJO-ism can save you! Here's what I do... When I get a telemarketer's call, I put THEM on the hook. It's easy. When you get the call asking for "the lady of the house" (or maybe they have you by name) you say, "Can I say who's calling?" And after they identify themselves, you say, "I'm sorry, but I've asked not to be called, and I'm on all the 'no-call' lists, may I speak to your supervisor?" If they hesitate, you can add, "You see, I'd like to ask him or her how they got my information." (AN IMPORTANT NOTE HERE: Be kind to the telemarketing reps. It's not their fault that you ended up on their list - it probably wasn't compiled by them.

Lastly, FOLLOW UP. You know who has your information; contact the companies who are distributing it. You'll be amazed at how co-operative they are about removing your name from their call lists. After all, once you've decided that you no longer wish to be called, it's a waste of their precious time and dollars to do so.

Yes, it's true! - Peace can be achieved through civility. Enjoy it, and visit GOJOTV often. I'll be updating whenever I can.

Here's what else doesn't work, and it comes from experience and observation. As a long time employee in the service industry, and having watched literally tens of thousands of people eat, I'm always amazed to see what people are willing to put into their mouths. But more importantly, I'm amazed at what people won't eat in the name of dietary purity. I've seen people order "diet drinks" while eating so-called "meal substitute bars". I've seen the "Slim-Fast" crowd and the "Atkins" crowd on their annual cycles of grotesque weight loss and gain. And forget vegetarians - MANY** of them do not have the time or discipline necessary to follow a balanced vegetarian diet, so they end up either overweight, mildly anorexic or with really frizzy, underfed hair. Ever notice that? And all this time, those people see what I eat, and they just don't get how I do it. They think it's my metabolism, they think it's unfair, who knows what they think? The truth is, I don't eat according to fads. I eat according to what my body needs. When it needs it. I pick and choose, creating a balanced, healthy diet from the foods that are convenient, delicious, and easy to prepare. And I indulge myself. Not excessively... but intelligently. Sounds simple? It is... unless you've been suckered into unhealthy eating by the profit-motivated food or diet industry. You just have to get your natural good food habits back, and fit them into your busy lifestyle.

So, basically, here are the reasons your diet isn't working to keep you healthy.

Part I

• You're not aware that you're eating.
• What you are eating is crap.

What you are eating is crap. - Now that we've talked about maximizing your intake of vitamins, minerals, fibre and water, let's look at the foods in our diet which are so poor in these three areas that we have to consider them in a separate category. The category of unmitigated crap. In order for a food to be relegated to the "crap" category, it has to present a few choice dietary problems. For instance, if it causes cancer, it's crap. If it's loaded with preservatives or chemicals you can't pronounce, it's crap. If it doesn't fulfill its promise, like the promise that sugar substitutes will help you lose weight, it's crap. Fair enough? O.K., let's get started. You'll be amazed at how much stuff ends up in this category.
   -Fried potato products - Did you know that when potatoes and certain other starchy foods are fried, a chemical reaction occurs which creates a chemical called acrylamide? And did you know that acrylamide's reaction to human digestion is to bind with cell DNA and mutate the gene? Did you know that acrylamide has been shown to cause cancer in rats? O.K., the studies aren't all in yet... maybe there's nothing to worry about. Maybe you should all have a cigarette and chill out. Me? I wasn't born yesterday. I know it costs about 7¢ to grow and harvest a potato, but when you fry it, you can sell it for 2 bucks. So, how long do you think it's going to take for the FDA to admit that acrylamide is a problem, and recommend that French fries and chips should be banned? When you consider the evidence, and you counter-reference that with the fact that French fries and chips are high in fat and salt but low vitamins, minerals, and fibre... well, that pretty much sends them to the "crap" category. Goodbye, weekly (and for some of you, nightly) bag of chips! Once a month is the absolute limit for a portion of French fries or chips.
   'But you have French fries all the time', you say? I know. Take a moment to review the topic sentence above. It's in a larger font for your convenience... Got it? Good. Now we can move on.
   -Hydrogenated vegetable oils - Shortening, which is often used in baking and frying, and margarine are just two examples of hydrogenated vegetable oils, also known as "trans fats". Avoid these at all cost. They are the closest thing to poison allowed by our North American food protection agencies. It's been known for decades that they're crap for a multitude of reasons. They're loaded with chemicals, they have no appreciable nutritional value... But, hey! Don't take my word for it. Look it up. Then cut them out of your diet. Be ruthless! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ah!
   -Soft drinks - This category includes anything that's sold as a fruit drink or punch. Don't be fooled by the fact that they contain some fruit juice, these nutrtional abominations are an excellent source of refined sugar. In other words... you guessed it... crap!  ...O.K., you are allowed one sugary soft drink per week. One. Eight ounces. Six if you're a child. Period.
   Moms, never let your kids break this rule. Yeah, let 'em whine. I was lucky enough to be raised on the "one soft drink per week" rule, and to this day, I'd rather have water, unsweetend orange juice, milk, teas or coffee. Or wine. Or beer... Yeah!
   So-called "diet drinks" made with sugar substitues are right out.* Forget them.* Completely.* Pure crap. Look back in anger, people.
   -Which brings us to prepared, or "convenience" foods. Some are great, like frozen vegetables. A lot are not. Here's where I draw the line. I read the ingredients. Now, you don't need an understanding of basic chemistry to know that some of the words on the label don't describe anything remotely related to food. Food is the stuff they produce on farms or they glean from nature. Non-food is the stuff that occurs in labs. The more non-food there is on the ingredients list, the closer it is to crap. And don't be fooled by labels. Some generically-labelled products are similar to the major producers' canned, frozen or otherwise prepared foods yet contain less chemicals. Sure, the product may not look as colourful or have that sharp, chemical-cheese taste, but it's really food. And it costs less. Now, doesn't that make all your hard-won literacy worthwhile?
   So, yeah... chemicals? Avoid 'em!
   -Here's a short list of foods which have no nutritional value, but which you propbably eat out of habit. Doughnuts, convenience cakes, schmaltz, and bacon. Don't eat 'em.
Now, remember, you can have about one item from the "crap list" per month, with the exception of soft drinks, which you get once a week. Start with this, and you will immediately start to see results in your life.

(Now, you're probably wondering where candy fits in to this plan. Or even, what, exactly, is my definition of "candy". Well, that's going to be covered in the following weeks. However, the heartening news is that, in following with my belief that a healthy diet is one that keeps you sane, you will be allowed, a maximum of one portion of candy per day... Under certain circumstances... So bookmark this page, and check back for the rest!)